Jesus said, “Be Ye Not Unequally Yoked,” But If It’s Too Late For That…

Grace and peace unto you, from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Many Christians today are married to unsaved people, and are experiencing great difficulties because of it.  The Bible says,

“Be yet not unequally yoked with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Not only does this passage admonish Christians not to fellowship with those who have religious beliefs that are not reconcilable with Christianity, but it admonishes Christians not to enter into covenants of any type with non-believers.  This includes marriage covenants.  The reason for this is simple.  When a man and a woman come together in marriage, they become one flesh (1 Corinthians 6:16).  If they are Christians, they also become one in the Lord, because Scripture says,

“He that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:17).

Therefore, the couple is yoked to the Lord.

But because many of us have disobeyed this admonition—either out of rebellion, ignorance, or other reasons—God is not a part of the marriage covenant.  He will not be a party to rebellion.  For this reason, we are experiencing serious trouble in our married lives.  I realize, of course, that Christians find themselves in this situation for a variety of reasons:

1.  A non-Christian marries another non-Christian.  The non-Christian later becomes a Christian, but the unbelieving spouse is unwilling to make a decision for the Lord Jesus.

2.  An immature Christian who lacks discernment marries a professing Christian.  As the Christian grows in wisdom and discernment, the Holy Spirit reveals that her professing spouse is really not a Christian and has no real desire to follow Jesus.

3.  A professing Christian marries a Roman Catholic.  Neither has a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus, so neither is truly a Christian.  The professing Christian may attend church occasionally, accompanied by the Catholic spouse, and, likewise, the Catholic spouse may occasionally attend mass, accompanied by the professing Christian. 

Things work out great for the first few years, because neither spouse has a relationship with Jesus Christ, and, therefore, neither poses a threat to the other’s beliefs.  Later, however, the professing Christian gets saved, and not only learns what Christianity really is, but what Roman Catholicism really is.  For the time being, however, it has not become a problem. 

The couple has a child.  The Catholic spouse wants the child to be baptized into the Roman Catholic church, but the Christian parent does not want this, understanding that Roman Catholicism is idolatry, and that infant baptism is unscriptural.  The Christian spouse has now become a threat to the Catholic spouse, who though only nominally Catholic, is nonetheless unwilling to relinquish her faith or practices.

4.  A true Christian meets and falls in love with a non-believer who is a good person: honest, loving, mature, and responsible, but does not know the Lord.  The Christian knows that she should not marry the unsaved person, but she does so anyway, feeling that because her spouse has so many other good qualities, he will eventually accept the Lord as his Savior.  Many years go by however, and the unbelieving spouse still hasn’t made a decision for Jesus.  This creates problems for the believer, and marital discord follows.

5.  A non-Christian marries a professing Christian, who lives a life just as wicked as he.  When he questions his spouse about her unchristian behavior, the professing Christian says that she is “a work in progress.” Later, the non-Christian hears the Gospel and accepts Jesus Christ as his Savior.  With time the Holy Spirit reveals that his spouse isn’t really saved.  The closer the Christian moves to the Lord, the farther his spouse moves from him.

This is not an exhaustive list, but many are living through experiences like these and can attest to the fact that they can have devastating consequences to one’s marriage and Christian walk.  When a Christian is trying to live a Spirit-filled life that glorifies the Lord Jesus, being married to a non-Christian can be extremely difficult.  If children are a factor, it can be overwhelming.  This should not surprise us, as Jesus told us that the day would come when “A man’s foes shall be they of his own household” (Matthew 10:36).

Though it can be very difficult, Christians who are unequally yoked with unbelievers and are going through difficult times because of it should not be in a hurry to give up on the marriage, especially if some self-styled prophet, “anointed” person, or even your pastor tells you to.  God hates divorce.  Paul speaks about this in 1 Corinthians. 

To help us understand God’s mind on marriage, it is important to understand that Paul is speaking to three groups of people: 1. Christians who are single, 2. Christians who are married to other Christians, and 3. Christians who are married to non-Christians.

To Christians who are single, Paul says:

“I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I (single and celibate).  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9).

Christian singles and widows who cannot handle celibacy should marry to avoid fornication.  God is serious about this.  

To Christians who are married to other Christians, Paul says:

“And unto the married (in Christ) I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:  But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”

This is a clear commandment:  married Christians: that is, two Christians who got married, should not divorce under any circumstances.  This is because God Himself has ordained their union and God does not make mistakes.  Now, if the wife for any reason decides it is better to leave the house, Scripture says that she should remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.  This, of course, means that she should keep herself pure and abstain from sexual relations, and her husband should do likewise. 

Reconciliation is a lot easier if both parties do not get sexually involved with anyone else (which won’t happen if they are truly obedient).  If either spouse becomes sexually involved with someone else, there will be major problems, even if the couple reconciles, because adultery will bring you a generational curse.  And a generational curse is a major complication.  We have only to look to the example of King David to understand that God truly hates adultery.  Marital discord is no excuse.

The last group that Paul addresses is Christians who are married to non-Christians.

“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any [Christian] brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

And the [Christian] woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

Paul says “to the rest” so he doesn’t have to list all the circumstances under which believers find themselves yoked to unbelievers, as I have done.  Before we examine this, it is important to note that this last advice from Paul is not God’s commandment.  Paul is speaking with permission from God.  Jesus, in His mercy, does not want to force the believer to remain in a relationship with a non-believer, especially if adultery is involved. He is leaving that decision to us.

When a Christian marries a non-Christian, problems will arise, because Scripture says,

“Know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body?  For two, saith He, shall be one flesh” (1 Corinthians 6:16). 

Symbolically, a harlot in the Bible signifies an apostate church or heathen religion.  So if a Christian marries a non-Christian or a person of another faith (Catholic, Mormon, Muslim, Jehovah’s Witness, Hindu, New Ager, Jew, atheist, etc) then the couple is a harlot in God’s eyes, and God will not unite Himself with a harlot.

Thankfully, God, in His mercy, has made provisions for this, because He understands that we often do things out of ignorance—and yes, even disobedience.  Therefore Paul says that if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay in the marriage, the believing spouse should not leave.  Why?  Because of the children:  

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the (believing) wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the (believing) husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy” (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).

The passage says that for the children’s sake, the unbelieving spouse is sanctified.  I absolutely love Jesus for this.  He loves children, and He will show us mercy so that our children will be okay.  So, for the sake of the children, God sanctifies even that unbelieving spouse.  And if the unbelieving spouse is sanctified, then the couple is sanctified.  And God says that since the couple is sanctified, then the children are holy.  

Thus, the whole family is holy in God’s sight.  So there is no spiritual reason we have to leave that unbelieving spouse.  

It is important to understand that though God sanctifies the unbeliever for the children’s sake, it is ultimately for the sake of the believer that He does it.  God is honoring the believer’s faithfulness.  So, though God’s admonition is for the believer not to join himself with a non-believer, if you have done so, you are not unclean in the Lord’s sight. Out of His mercy, He has made provision for you.  So, do not listen to anyone who tells you that you must leave the unbeliever because the Bible says so.  This is a lie from the pit of Hell.

There are instances, however, when it may not be expedient for a spouse to remain.  Note that Paul says if the unbelieving spouse be “pleased” to dwell with the believing spouse, the believing spouse should not put her away.  Pleased, in this sense, means not only willing, but happy; and the unbelieving spouse’s willingness to remain in the marriage will be most evident in attitude.  If the unbelieving spouse subjects himself to the believing spouse in manner and attitude, there should be a minimum of marital discord. 

Paul understands that if the unbelieving spouse is pleased to stay with the believing spouse, then that spouse is not averse to the Gospel, even if he won’t readily accept it.  Jesus said that anyone who is not for Him is against Him.  Conversely, anyone that is not against Him is for Him.  If the unbelieving spouse is pleased to remain with the believer, then he is not offended by the Lord Jesus.  There can be a modicum of peace in such a home, for the unbeliever will subject himself to the spouse, and thus, to the Lord.  In this instance, God can still be glorified in the eyes of unbelievers.

But in a house where the unbelieving spouse does not want to leave the marriage, yet is not altogether pleased to dwell together with the believing spouse; such as when the spouse is rebellious to the extent that there is extreme marital discord, it may not be expedient for the believing spouse to remain.  In this instance, every man must search his own conscience, because everyone’s situation will be different.

Let me share my personal testimony with you.  Until three years ago, I lived with my family in Munich, Germany, in a neighborhood that was made up primarily of Roman Catholics and Muslims.  I believe I was the only Christian in my neighborhood.  My wife was raised a Roman Catholic, though she attends a “Christian” church.  She was always somewhat rebellious, but she became even more so when I got saved.  

I always thought my wife was a Christian, but after a couple of years I realized that she wasn’t.  During those two years, she became increasingly rebellious to the extent that I could no longer exert any authority over her.  If I tried, there was a furious argument.  I realized that these arguments did not glorify Christ and made Christianity look weak before non-believers. 

The Scriptures say that non-believers can be won to the Lord by observing the chaste behavior of believing wives (1 Pet. 3:1-2).  But our behavior was having the opposite effect.  Here I was trying to witness to Catholics and Muslims that Jesus Christ is the only Way, yet the only couple that could be heard for literally miles was my wife and I.   Compared to us, the Catholics and Muslims appeared to have ideal marriages.  Our behavior was actually compromising my testimony.  So I prayed on it and searched the Scriptures, and finally, after having considered it for more than a year, I made the painful decision to leave.  God showed me in several ways that He supported this decision. 

That was more than three years ago, and I have been separated from my children for almost two years.  It has been very hard.  But following Jesus is going to cost you something.  It may not cost you your family, but that is the price that some of us have had to pay.

But God is good.  During the time my children were with me, I preached Jesus constantly, and my children and I grew together spiritually.  Moreover, in Germany I had tried for years to eliminate or at least scale down television watching in our home to no avail.  While the children were with me, however, there was no television in our home, so when they weren’t at school, the children were always drawing, reading, writing stories, putting on plays, reading their Bibles and Christian tracts, and playing together.  There were no video games or computer games, and I allowed them to get on the computer only if I were there to supervise, and that was only on rare occasions.  They were never bored, as it is amazing what children can come up with to keep themselves occupied if parents would only show an interest in them.  They like to be noticed.

I waited until I really felt they knew what they were doing before I asked my two youngest daughters—then nine and ten years old—to make a decision for Jesus, which they did.  A year later, I baptized them.  On that same day, my son also made his decision for Christ, and I baptized him too.  Two weeks later, after a year and a half with me, they were back in Germany with their mother.  This is only a brief synopsis of the story.  If I were to explain the whole thing, one would clearly see God’s hand in this.  If you’d like to know more, click here.

Even after three years, my wife is bound and determined not to recognize my authority.  Though she is willing to dwell with me, she is not “pleased” to dwell with me.  There is a big difference.  As for me, all during our separation, I have remained pure, and I have neither divorced my wife nor commenced a relationship with anyone else.  It is not about me and what I want.  It’s about Jesus and doing what He wants. 

Doing the Lord’s will can be very hard, but I know what He delivered me from.  Occasionally, I consider 1 Corinthians 7 and ask the Lord to show me if I am not doing His will.  Though I understand this Scripture better today than when I made my decision three years ago, I am no less certain it was the right thing to do.  But my situation is unique, as is yours.

So, don’t be in a hurry to leave that unbelieving spouse or to abandon a marriage because there are problems.  Take it to the Lord in prayer.  He may yet save that unbelieving spouse.

“For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband?  Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16).

You and your spouse must do everything you can to remain together.  Satan hates marriage, so you know he is going to do everything he can to destroy yours–especially if you are a Christian.  You must pray for your unbelieving spouse, and, if possible, you and your spouse must pray together: sincerely, earnestly, fervently.  Hang in there.  God hears you.

If you are already separated, remain pure, stay in prayer for your spouse, and use this opportunity to grow closer to the Lord Jesus by reading His Word.  Believe me, if you really want to do the will of God in this sinful world, you are going to have to stay yoked to Jesus to not succumb to temptation.  And that is the best thing that could ever happen to you.  

In case you are so frustrated and sad that you are wondering if you should have even married that unsaved person (or even that saved person), let me share this passage with you:

“Art thou bound unto a wife?  Seek not to be loosed.”  But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned…”

God absolutely loves marriage.  This passage lets you know that just because you married that unbeliever (against God’s advice) you have not sinned.  Now, you are going to have some problems, but they are not insurmountable.  The key is patience, perseverance, and prayer.  Let us do that which is pleasing in God’s sight.  Let us put His will above our own.

There is one more very important thing.  If your spouse is manifesting psychological problems or struggling with some other spiritual malady such as addiction, anger issues, depression, “bipolar disorder,” or some other serious problem, it’s possible he or she is under a generational curse.  This can be true even if they are a Christian.  

There are those, for example, who name the name of Christ, yet are Freemasons. Freemasonry is witchcraft, and a Christian who is a Freemason will have serious problems in his Christian walk.  Make no mistake about that.  If this sounds like your situation or that of your spouse, please read this article on Generational Curses to learn how you or your spouse can be set free. 

If your spouse is under a generational curse, he or she will require special love, patience, prayer, understanding and spiritual discernment on your part.  It will be a tough battle.  I ought to know: I’m involved in such a battle right now.  But these types of battles are the very ones that most glorify the Lord Jesus Christ.  Believe me.

Our podcast on this teaching is available for free at the iTunes store.  You can get it here. We hope it blesses you.  For your convenience, we have also provided it below.

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As always my beloved brothers and sisters, stay encouraged and look up, for your redemption draweth nigh.

Update August 9, 2013:  After a four-year separation, my wife and I have reconciled, and have been together again since April 2012.  God is good!  Please pray for us, Saints, because Satan hates this marriage, and is doing everything he can to destroy it.

The Still Man

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