Grace and peace, Saints!
The other day, someone asked me why I haven’t written much of anything for over a year. Well, it’s not because I don’t have anything to say, because I have plenty to say. The honest truth is that while I can function, some days it is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. I miss my little girl terribly.Â
You may recall that last year I left Germany where I had lived almost twenty years, and moved back to the USA. I didn’t want to leave my family, but under the circumstances, it was necessary. My first night back home, I knew I was going to have serious problems being separated from my three-year-old when, around 3 a.m. I awoke thinking about my little girl so much that I experienced what could only be described as a panic attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and the house seemed so small it was suffocating me. I was worried to death about my little girl, as I realized that for the first time since she was born, I couldn’t just walk into her room and pick her up, or call her to me. For the next two hours, I paced around, unable to sleep.
Feeling helpless, I got on my knees to pray, asking the Lord Jesus to forgive me if coming back to the States and leaving my little girl with her mother and sisters was a mistake. I told Him that I knew that it was not me who had always kept my children safe, but He. As a man, I’m not even in control of my own life, let alone my children’s lives. In order for me to have any peace at all, therefore, I was going to have to give my children completely to the Lord Jesus, and trust Him to care for my little girl and keep her safe. And I had to forgive myself for leaving her behind at such a young age, when it was my intention never to leave her. I’m just a man, and there is only so much I can do. I had been playing Superman for almost two decades; now it was time to take off the cape and concede that I was Clark Kent full time. I have no super powers.
I had to recognize that some things are not meant to be, especially in this spiritual warfare, as not everyone wants to do God’s will. I also had to remember that the Bible says, “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). If I love God, therefore, which I do; and if I am called by God, which I am, then everything that happens to me also happens for me–and for my good, even something as painful as being separated from my little one.
And I’m not the only one who has to deal with separation. My son has also had to deal with it, as he came with me. Being the only boy in the family, he has had to learn to live without his mother and sisters, the only female influences in his life. I praise God that he has learned to cope with the situation very well under the circumstances, and is getting stronger every day. He knows things can never go back to the way they were before, but being also of the household of faith, he believes and knows that everything that is happening is part of God’s plan for our lives. Sometimes, I remind my son how Joseph, the son of Jacob, was separated from his family for many years because of a spiritual warfare that was raging in his home; and I remind him that Joseph understood that all the evil that had befallen him was ultimately part of God’s plan not only for his life, but for his family’s also.
But when I just want to lighten his spirits and encourage him, I sing “Put One Foot In Front of the Other,” from the animated cartoon, Santa Clause Is Coming To Town. When nothing else will do, that always does the trick–for me as well as for him.
The Lord Jesus promised that when He comes, he will wipe all tears from our eyes. The pain and loneliness of separation will be but a distant memory when we see His face and receive the reward for our steadfastness and faith in Christ Jesus. Until then, we must be patient and encouraged, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other!
God bless and keep you, and please pray for me and my family.
Be encouraged and look up, for your redemption draweth nigh.
Your servant,
TSM
